Therapy Didn't Work for Me Until I Changed This One Thing

I used to believe that if I just prayed harder, or visualized better, I’d finally heal. That if I raised my vibration, repeated the affirmations, or aligned my energy with ‘abundance,’ all my pain would disappear. But it didn’t. Therapy didn’t work. Law of Attraction didn’t work. Faith alone didn’t work. I was still drowning in anxiety, trauma, and a crushing feeling that something was wrong with me. I thought maybe I just wasn’t doing it right. But the truth was, I was looking in all the wrong places for healing—until I realized one thing that changed everything.

The struggle is real.

I began my therapy practice working with women who were dealing with relationship issues, particularly those who had undergone narcissistic abuse. Their suffering hit close to home because I have overcome a toxic marriage with a narcissistic man. My struggles didn’t start with my marriage, it was throughout my childhood. I was in pain. My battles included anxiety, unresolved trauma, and a persistent feeling of alienation. I perpetually grappled with my identity due to the fact that I was raised in various cultures and expectations that pulled me in different directions.

Though I initially sought my personal healing in secular spaces and when I started my practice I offered my services in the same capacity, I eventually pivoted to faith-based coaching. Why? Because I realized healing wasn’t complete if it ignored the soul and spirit and its connection to The Divine. As a Muslim woman, faith is foundational to my identity. But I found that many healing spaces left that part of me out entirely. And I couldn’t leave it out anymore. Faith had to be part of the conversation.

Navigating the winding road of therapy and healing.

Although it’s been shifting in more recent years, therapy in the Muslim community is still considered taboo, especially with the older generation. There is a strong religious and cultural belief that therapy is unnecessary in the presence of strong faith and patience.

This belief that struggling emotionally or psychologically is indicative of weak faith or resilience still persists quietly for many in our communities. That notion keeps countless individuals from seeking assistance.

When I first sought therapy over two decades ago, it was helpful—but restricted. There was an absence of Muslim coaches (or faith-aligned coaches), counselors, or therapists who could address my struggles inclusive of my faith and spirituality in the holistic way I needed. Without that connection to my spiritual self, I felt healing was…partial. The therapy I had access to was secular-based and the modality was simply through talk therapy.

I later came to understand that talk therapy alone could not assist me in fully processing certain traumas from my past. Because trauma is not simply cognitive—it is physical. It is stored in the nervous system as well. Around the same time, I encountered pseudo-spiritual ideas like the Law of Attraction, which promised some form of spiritual validation but ultimately lead me to a confounding journey.

In the past, there were no Muslim scholars who addressed topics like emotional healing in a way that was both meaningful and relevant to my particular struggles — and dare I say to anyone else’s struggles in the community. Most teachings focused on the stories of Prophets and how they overcame their struggles and the emphasis was on surrendering to God and trusting Him alone alongside patience. While these concepts are valuable, they did not adequately provide specific tools and skills to process the lived trauma I personally experienced, let alone the plethora of struggles other Muslim women were experiencing in the community which I had been privy to — including verbal, physical, and sexual abuse, neglect, or emotional abandonment, natural disasters, and even fluke accidents. There was never specific guidance on how to address these issues. As Muslim women, the message we received was ‘just have faith and patience’ — that’s all we got. And that’s why I had to fill a void of needing spirituality as part of my healing journey as well.

For a while, with the trauma healing and pseudo-spiritual practices, like Law of Attraction, I thought I was making progress in my healing journey until the pandemic hit – that is when I really hit a wall. The pandemic forced me into a dark place that no amount of affirmation or spiritual bypassing could remedy. I felt completely lost, once again helpless, disillusioned, and disconnected all over again.

Unlocking key realizations.

Eventually, I came to realize what was really going on.

You see, the devil doesn’t just tempt you with bad deeds—he also uses your trauma to make you lose yourself and keep you trapped in victimhood and confusion, in a state of incoherence where you’re disconnected from various parts of yourself, and so you form insecure attachments to others and even to God. And that’s exactly where I was for a long time.

I was not healing fully, because I had a false notion of ‘the self’, the broader context of life, God, and the unseen world.

As I navigated through these realizations, I became aware of ‘the playing field’ —the inherent nature of this world and the challenges it presents. It became apparent to me that struggling didn’t always equate to failing or sabotaging myself. At times, it was merely a test of resilience; other times, it was the result of circumstances beyond my control, or simply the conditions I inherited from birth. And yes, sometimes it was self-sabotage.

The Law of Attraction told me I was struggling because of me—because I was "manifesting" the wrong things or subconsciously sabotaging myself. But when I looked deeper into my faith it taught me something deeper: not every hardship is your fault, and not every struggle is bad. Some trials are from God, meant to develop your character, deepen your empathy, form secure attachments, and bring you closer to Him.

This understanding brought peace and clarity that Law of Attraction (LOA) never could. Because while LOA made me feel like I had to control everything with my mind, my faith on the other hand reminded me that I’m not the only force at play. There’s God. There’s other people. There’s Divine decree. And yes, there’s me—with free will, responsibility, and the capacity to choose my response.

I struggled with Divine decree, as I suspect many people do. And I suppose that is why LOA is a popular option for many around the world because it placates a part of the ego that struggles with accepting, surrendering, letting go, trusting — all the key elements that allows you to move beyond the events that transpired in your life and move forward. You can heal and you can grow, but if you resist accepting, surrendering, letting go, trusting — then you remain stuck struggling with parts yourself and that fragment over time and you begin to eventually loose touch with yourself and others. Isolation is the devil’s goal, because when you’re isolated, you’re an easy target.

I also came to realize how LOA—is a subtle form of associating partners with God—despite its growing popularity among Muslims and other monotheistic faiths. It attributes divine power to the self, rather than The Creator. It seduces you into thinking ‘I could manifest into reality solely my thoughts and feelings align’. But in truth, it leaves you more spiritually disconnected.

I’m a ‘doer’ so I always used to pair massive action along with my positive thinking and positive vibes. But I realize now how egocentric and manipulative LOA really is. We should want better for ourselves. We should aim high. We should take radical ownership and responsibility of our affairs. What’s not constructive is the belief that everything happens because of you, or that you can control every aspect of your existence and all outcomes, or that you are infinitely capable. We have limitations—and that’s ok. We have imperfections—and that’s a normal part of the human experience. This life, this world is messy—and that’s ok too! We can move through this world and still attain a sense of peace and security without being a superhuman and without having absolute control over all things. This concept is very difficult for people who have experienced trauma—to reliquish their control, trust in Divine decree, and to find deep peace within. But it’s not impossible.

Transformation… finally!

My transformation happened when I finally understood acceptance—not as resignation, but as surrender. Accepting my hardships didn’t mean I agreed with them or enjoyed them. It meant I stopped resisting the tests God placed in my life and began to search for the wisdom in them.

I also came to deeply appreciate the interplay of nature and nurture. My temperament, personality type, and unique neurodiversity affect how I experience life—and how I heal. One person’s struggle may feel unbearable to another, and that’s OK. Healing isn’t one-size-fits-all.

Many Muslims (and people of other faiths) believe that prayer, fasting, and charity alone will heal them. But faith without inner work is incomplete. God says in the Quran (13:11): “Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” Inner work is our responsibility. We cannot place that on God or anyone else. We have to self-reflect, understand our innate strengths and weakness, then decide to change, and take all the appropriate actions to achieve that transformation inside of us first, if we want to see a change in our reality.

That trauma you experiences, whether as a child or an adult, is not your fault. but allowing the trauma to remain trapped in your nervous system is a choice you make everyday when you don’t seek appropriate support.

Some Muslims and other monotheists reject practices like meditation, thinking it’s derived from polytheistic religions. But introspection, silence, and reflection are encourages in Islam and frankly most religions. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) regularly reflected in the cave before revelation. And throughout the Qur’an, we’re told to reflect, ponder, and look within. On the one end of the spectrum, LOA encourages meditation to manifesting wealth and true love, whereas on the other end of the spectrum Muslims encourage to meditation solely if it encompasses versus of the Quran or the 99 Names and Attributes of Allah. What helped me to heal, and grow was to use meditation, reflection, and introspection as a way of reviewing myself and how I show up in my life, and examine how my actions are shaping my reality. If people don’t take the time to pause and look inward, and we only reflect on God and His perfection, then how can we take account of ourselves and take responsibility for our action that contribute to our circumstance? Reflect on God—yes! But don’t cleverly, and subconsciously, bypassing ownership of your part that you play in making the necessary changes. I can’t emphasis this verse from the Quran enough: "Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." (Quran, Surah Ar-Ra'd 13:11). This verse indicates that God does not impose change on an individual (or the community at large). Each of us must work on improving ourselves before any external circumstances can be transformed by God. As well, the interesting thing about this particular verse is that, the people God was referring to in this passage was a community was was blessed beyond measure, and so God was referring to not changing their ‘good condition’ into a bad one. So it works both ways! He won’t change your good or bad condition — unless and until you transform what’s in your heart. If you want your good condition to last, then keep your heart healed. If you don’t want to change your bad condition, then keep avoiding your inner-work. It’s that simple. And no-one can do that work for you. Only you can do this for yourself.

Another verse that changed my life as a Muslim is: “A believer is a mirror to another believer.” This taught me that people in our lives reflect parts of ourselves we may not want to face—sometimes in painful ways. Healing isn’t just about “cutting off toxic people”—it’s also about asking, What are they here to teach me about myself? That’s a big one! It’s easy to play the victim card and put the blame on anyone we can find. Certainly, when you are a child, you are blameless… But as an adult, are you accepting the same level of helplessness as when you experienced childhood trauma. You’ve got this. You can face your fears and build new empowering skills. You can heal and grow!

Ultimately, I realized that my healing wouldn’t come from Law of Attraction, or from bypassing unresolved trauma, or from suppressing my faith, or even from practicing the ‘five pillars of Islam’ — in isolation of doing my inner work. My faith is necessary for my healing towards God. A positive mindset and visualization is necessary for taking the appropriate actions to healing and growing. And you want to know what else is necessary? Accepting Divine decree, accepting my inherent strengths and weaknesses, and then accepting full responsibility for my healing—and that meant I had to release the trauma and learn new life and relationship skills that are faith-aligned.

As I reflect…

Therapy and my healing didn’t materialize for me until I aligned my inner work with my faith, embraced the tests as growth opportunities, and took radical responsibility for my transformation.

Healing must include the soul and spirit—not just the mind and body.

It wasn’t until I acknowledged my trauma, honored my faith, rejected the toxic positivity that comes from Law of Attraction, and embraced personal responsibility that God transformed my circumstance. My healing was never meant to be a rejection of my faith—it was meant to be a return to it, in a way that honored my full humanity.

So if therapy hasn’t worked for you yet, maybe you’re not broken. Maybe you just haven’t been seen as a whole person—mind, body, soul, and spirit. And maybe you just haven’t been working on establishing a secure attachment within yourself, others, and God.

If you’re ready to embark on your healing journey and you are interested in faith-aligned therapy, or if you’re specifically looking for a Muslim Coach and Hypnotherapist, I invite you to setup a FREE Discovery Call to find out if we’re a good fit to work together. Let’s connect and start this transformational journey towards healing and empowerment. Book your call today!